The Bass Geek

We start rehearsals on ACT’s production of “The Wiz” on Sunday, and I haven’t been able to look at the music yet. Which has me freaking just a little bit. Jumping in cold is hard enough, but having the score plopped in front of you just before you start playing is a bit much. The company leasing the performance rights and scores to the theater still do it the old-fashioned physical way, which certainly helps them retain rights and keeps loose copies from flying around. The geek in me longs for some kind of digital delivery, though. Print-and-go, edit in Sibelius, etc. Not going to happen any time soon, but I can dream.

Subscribing to some NPR podcasts helps me in a few ways:

• Time-shifting “This American Life” to a more reasonable hour, i.e. any time but that weird Saturday night time slot it currently occupies on my local station
• Getting some programs said local station doesn’t carry
• Acting as a safety net for things I miss during my drive time (short as it is, this can add up)

Which is why I was delighted that the podcasts caught Victor Wooten on NPR giving an impromptu bass lesson to the nation on the subject of double-thumbing and the open-hammer pluck. It was cool not only because of the subject matter, but hearing the announcer speak these terms almost gave them an air of the martial arts movie - like they were moves Shaolin monks sought to master before defeating the usurpers of their style. He also talked a bit about the book he recently published, which I have on order but have not yet read.

Which somewhat countered the slam on bassists from last Sunday’s “Metalocalypse.” Following a grim attempt to pick up two women, Murderface ran into a torrent of insults such as “Shouldn’t you be loading the band’s gear?” and “Why don’t you act like a bass player and stand over there and be inaudible?” My wife gave me such a look of pity after that last one.

1. Unbolted tires should move away from a car very easily. When they do not, call a friend with a large metal hammer.
2. Truss rod adjustments are miracles and should never be taken for granted. It’s like I have a new bass.
3. Wireless networking (and the gadgets that make it happen) are nice to use but horribly annoying to install.
4. The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette has posted a countdown clock for training camp, and it depresses me every time I look at it.

Robbie Fulks has already shared his view of bassists, so I thought I’d toss in an insight into the denizens of the low end - courtesy of William Muderface, bassist for Dethklok, just after his bass solo had been usurped by his bandmates’ auto accident:

“Why do I get pre-empted? You know why? ‘Cause I’m just the stupid bass player. Why don’t I just play behind the bass amp? Maybe that would be good. Then album sales would go up. Who am I fooling? I don’t deserve the spotlight. I thought I could maybe just once, just once be in the spotlight. That’s all I want. Just once.”

Who hasn’t felt that way at some point, though? I regard this not as a lonely call for unrequited attention, but further proof that the bassist is Everyman, the personified hero of all folks, common and otherwise. His is the struggle of everybody who ever sought, ever struggled, ever tried to attain a little sun while making sure the foundation was strong and sure for his fellow compatriots. He is the figure for whom Copland composed, Whitman wrote, and Debs struggled. He is you. He is me. Probably more me, but it’s just as valid.

Or it’s just sad. I could go either way.

So, y’know, if anybody sees one of these lying around in a right-handed configuration and feels like parting with an obscene amount of cash (I couldn’t find the price on the site, but trust me, obscene probably describes just about every aspect of this bass pretty well), there you go. I’ll solo in your honor for at least half-an-hour.

Which, if you think about, is pretty obscene as well.

Also, at what point does an extended-range bass guitar stop being a bass guitar and become a modified harp?