The Bass Geek

The space between Fountain Square and work, otherwise known as downtown Indianapolis, is pretty much closed for business today. Later this afternoon, fans will brave rain, packed crowd, and the sounds of Kelly Clarkson, Faith Hill and Hinder to celebrate the official opening of football season. The preseason is over, the cuts have been made, and all is ready to begin. That’s a good thing. A spectacular thing, in fact.

Not that I’ll actually participate in today’s happening. It’s for the Colts fans, and I’m not one. Instead, I’ll retreat to my home and await Sunday, when the Steelers face the Browns. It’ll be a good game - I expect a solid effort from both teams. That mantra got me through both the Super Bowl and last season, so it’s a comfortable and reassuring friend.

My Jerome Bettis jersey, long the target of comments due to both the team from which it originates and the somewhat old and worn status it has achieved in its lifetime, is being retired in favor of a new custom jersey, due to arrive soon. It probably won’t make it in time for this weekend, but soon folks will wonder who the hell “Sweaty B” is and why they never saw him on the offensive line, as the number 63 might indicate.

Due to some incomprehensible NFL merchandising rule, you can’t buy custom jerseys for retired players. So I chose the name as mine but used the number 63 for Dermontti Dawson, probably the best center of his time. Mobile, agile, and crushing. It was awe-inspiring to see him clear opposing teams out for whatever running back trailed in his wake. He also spent his entire career with the Steelers, a rare feat in today’s world of free agency and Rooney stinginess. Were I given more time, I could try and write a nice little monograph on how bassists and centers share the same tendencies (doing all the work in the trenches, getting no recognition, supporting the team while others grab the glory), but I’m on lunch, and I’m tired of sports analogies. I can’t run for daylight, and most athletes can’t manage a walking bass line to save their lives (special recognition given here to Wayman Tisdale, who could dunk on my ass AND play rings around me. He is a smooth exception).

Anyway, enough geekery. Let the games begin. I’ve gotta dig out my Terrible Towels now.

I’d also like to point out that, despite my geekery, I’m not this crazy. Wow.

The 12-string bass:

No, not that one. That’s just silly. You’d probably find yourself playing a Malmsteen solo at some point, and that’s not right. I’ll bet that guy’s thinking “SHRED!” right now. Maybe “Now I’ll finally be able to finish my 13-part song cycle on the Dragonriders of Pern!”?

Man, I bet that would be a cool 13-part song cycle, though.

Between King’s X and Cheap Trick, I think I’ve lusted after this for a long time. While other basses lay down the bottom end in fashion from subtle to grooving, I’m fairly sure this instrument cuts broad swaths of destruction across the soon-to-be-barren earth. Plus, you get to sound like a bass and rhythm guitar without having to put up with an additional guitarist. Always a bonus.